As we walk along our paths, the universe is guaranteed to bestow upon us manifestations of actual and perceived struggle or resistance. These are known as obstacles; the “stuff” that gets in your way. It can be everything from being tired after a long week and still trying to get your fitness goals met, receiving a terminal medical diagnosis, divorce or it could be a positive event like a new job, promotion or a new relationship.
Obstacles are typically perceived as a negative. Although, positive obstacles are also worth mentioning, we overlook that fact when it feels good. We also choose to bypass the reality that positive obstacles can become negative if not cared for, until it’s too late (i.e. high paying job results in a neglected family, wearing a “mask” to fit in ultimately falls off, etc.). The trick is to be able to discern which is staring you back in the face.
Before you can navigate, negotiate and/or accept what lies ahead, you must know yourself and have a grip on your ability to perceive and process what’s on your lap. What does that mean? Simply put, it is the self-discipline to strike balance between emotion and logic, in processing and deciding how to respond to stimuli in a manner that promotes the most positive outcome.
Often as the fallible humans we are, over and under reactions are how we respond to everything life throws at us. We are quick to generalize and employ instant “fixes.” We continue to overload ourselves with more responsibilities, requiring time and focus we aren’t willing nor able to adequately spend in order to properly handle. We enslave ourselves to a grind that we’ve been lead to believe is a suitable compromise in pursuit of what is means to be successful, or in some cases what we believe is the only way to survive.
We must also learn and accept that in order to achieve mastery in this area, it can be a lonely but freeing. After all, this is ultimately going to save your life! You have to be able to establish your self-worth, your value, and be willing to accept nothing less from anyone or anything. Yes, this means you’ll have to make hard decisions on who and what remains in your life. Why let toxic people continue to influence who you are? Why let things that aren’t more inline with finding your inner-peace and pursuing your true passions get your time and attention?
What makes this a unique contemplation is that although we strive to find commonality, we are all unique; “One size fits all” can’t be the solution for everyone. Tragically, we see too many people killing themselves this way. We have to be strong and sound in our isolation, in ourselves, to draw our own maps, create our own paths and stay true to ourselves without allowing too much influence from outside; no matter the source. Sure, we all have similar experiences we can share over dinner, but i’d offer that you are mindful of a few things:
Learn to appreciate listening to someone define their obstacles. There are victories and failures, perspectives and tools that may spill out you can easily tuck away for later exploration.
Refrain from automatically accepting their journey as your own answer for responding to the same obstacles. Too often in an effort to find commonality and connect with others, we bypass who we are to take on another person’s process without much thought, as we try to build connections. It’s cool that you want to make a friend, just don’t naively jump on board with what you’re being told. You have to do the work for yourself. After all, that approach may not work for who you really are (and not who you’re projecting to be).
Empathize. Whether you’ve gone through it or not, refrain from judgement (just because you don’t say it, your body language will). Do not make that moment about yourself; be humbled that someone is sharing with you things they’ve overcame. Be aware of the content and take note of what it does to you. Work that out in the safety of your own home, not during your conversation. Conversely, if you’ve never dealt with similar situations, treat it as a learning opportunity to broaden you perspective and help you grow without necessarily “walking in their shoes” if possible. Empathy and RESPECT goes a long way…
Surround yourself with the right people, places and situations to support this mindset. You need to have people who share your pursuit of clarity, accountability and perspective. This will likely be a small group, but that’s ok!
Once you calibrate yourself and your response to obstacles put before you, you gain control. You can make any situation much smaller and more feasible to resolve. You become a resource for those other souls in search of the same. You become less overwhelmed because your perception of adversity and opportunity will have evolved. You’ll be more appreciative of the lessons herein. Ultimately, the rock on the path, is just a rock; you can move around it.